I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
