When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
