Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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