Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love accidental penises.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize