No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
50% drunk capacity currently
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
