I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
