My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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