tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
