you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
