I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
