planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
