she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Shame - the story of my life.
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