So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
