Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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