I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
