you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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