Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
