So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
