JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
