I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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