i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
