Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize