is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize