Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
