i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
17 year olds will be the death of me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
