We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
