If that was your dad, he is hot
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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