i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
