I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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