anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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