Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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