I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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