my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
