rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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