All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
