allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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