her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no, he came in my armpit
you would pick up someone in the library
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
