Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize