just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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