There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
