You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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