Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize