he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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