So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
