He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
