my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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