It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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