don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
