what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
