Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
