vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
