I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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