you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
