Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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