bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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