Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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