so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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