i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
