okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize