Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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