walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
