I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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