I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
