there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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