I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I won the penis lottery.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
