If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
