so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
