Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
