I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
