He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
