Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize