Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
