And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
