plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
