When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please come you make the beer taste better
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
