im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
