I need to stop coming to work sober
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
