these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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