AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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