Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
