There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
