I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
