new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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