I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
