I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
