Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
