when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
