I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
