I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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