**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
