I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
