i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
